Blocks to empathy. Learn them, breathe them, avoid them.
According to Non violant communication, when you are listening to somebody ( giving them empathy ) avoid:
Advising: “ Why don´t you try…. You should…
” Educating: “According to NVC, that´s a jackle/ strategy/ not a feeling /not a need/ an enemy image.
” OneUpping: “That’s nothing, wait unill you hear what happened to me.”
“Consoling: “It wasn’t your fault: you did the best you could.
” Sympathizing: “that happened to me also. You poor thing. I´m crying with you.
” Storytelling: “That reminds me of something I heard on the news ….
” Shutting down: “ Come on, let’s go (for an ice cream) (to the gym). Don´t worry about that.
” Interrogating: “ are you aware if this is a trigger from your childhood? When did this feeling start?
“Correcting: “ That´s not a feeling, according to NVC…
” Reassuring: “It will all be OK.
” Denial of Feelings: “ I don´t think you feel that, I think you feel…
” Minimizing: “You are making this bigger than it is
” Diagnosing: “You’re co-dependent.
” Analyzing: “I think you are reacting like this because of your childhood
“cheering” You can do it!
Reflect upon why you fall into one or more of these blocks, other than wanting to support. I often hear people say “I did ( insert block ) because I want to support you”. It´s not supportive if you don´t honor their needs. For example, I fall into giving advice when I don´t have space to listen anymore, if I´m feeling triggered by something they express, if I´m taking on their feelings as mine and I want to control the outcome, or if I´m feeling concerned about what they express. That's on me. I need to tell them when I don't have the capacity to listen anymore and maybe self-express in the end if they have space for it. Ultimately, my only job is to trust their process.
